A short story I wrote at Christmas

In my local newspaper, they do a competition where you can send off a christmas story, but there's a twist; it has to be a ghost story too. I tried numerous different approaches for a story, and I was looking over my documents and came across it and have updated it. So have a read, and I'd love to hear what you think about it, I've been considering extending it into a possible book as I feel I've got a lot to give on this story.


     I knew that when I woke up, I wouldn’t be alone. I would feel the same presence I have felt since I can remember. I know what day today is, 25th December, Christmas. Great. My least favourite day of the year, maybe even of the whole existence of the world. No offence to ‘religious’ people and that guy that wears a nappy on that cross, but I don’t believe in that gobbledy-goop. I once had some faith, but no one listened when I needed someone to help me.
     I don’t want to hear ‘I wish it could be Christmas everyday’ blaring out from some boy racers tacky car. If it was I would be living my nightmare everyday. Ten years ago my dad disappeared. My mum was waiting at the front door when I got home from my grandparents, a handkerchief in one hand catching her tears; I had never heard some one cry and scream the way she had done. My parents were together since secondary school ‘high school sweethearts’ and after more than a decade they were still madly in love, I don’t know how that’s possible. My mum always told me she had no idea what happened to my dad that jolly noel day, I had many theories, but as I grew older I gave up. Along with my beliefs. Now I’ve become heartless, except on this day, which brings out my humanity.
   Every morning I wake up and feel someone watching me, ever since that Christmas. I tried to figure out some meaning behind it; I’m delusional from grief to someone having an invisible cloak and watching me. Now, I just live with it. I get on and do my usual routine, but on this day I try my best to not let the anonymous eyes know that I know. I don’t have Christmas decorations, no tree no lights no measly chocolate advent calendar, nothing what so ever. I stumble down the stairs in my lonely house. I prefer to be alone; it’s quiet and I have my own rules and I’m left to my own thoughts, so I’m happy, as close as I can get anyway. In silence I eat my non-festive breakie and my mind gazes over the subject of my dad. I flinch as I feel a wave of emotion run through my veins. Shivers and goosebumps appearing all over my skin. I hate feeling this way, if I could turn off my feelings I would. With this wave I feel faint and drop my bowl of cereal “damn it” having to clean might take my mind off of things..Or do the reverse.
     She can’t see me. Every day she can’t see me, she doesn’t notice me, apart from these little glitches here and there where I swear she knows I’m here. I need to do something drastic to get her attention today…
     Once I had wiped away the remains of my corn flakes from the laminate floor I decided to have a kip, to be away from this world today. I got to my bedroom and lay on my double bed. I tried to get comfortable, but when something is playing on your mind it’s hard to relax. It’s silent everywhere, eerie, I turn on the TV to drone on. Scrooge is on, the one about the three ghosts haunting a dude that keeps his money to himself. This feels even more unsettling. It’s reminded me of that space in the corner of each room that draws me to it, like a magnet and a piece of metal, me being the heavy metal. When I look over to that space I feel all hazy like I am about to pass out from the strength of this pull. I need to confront this at one point or another, it’s been ten years of this, trying to ignore someone or something gets very tiring when you don’t know what or who it is. So I tore the covers off with my eyes on that point of my rectangular room, feeling a power inside of me like I’m being sucked in. As I walk closer my vision becomes shakey, I swear I can see something, I swear I can see the outline of that someone...wait no. It can’t be. Hair, arms, hands, torso, legs, and feet appear before me. It’s him it’s actually him after all this time.
     This is it, my big moment. I don’t have too long; I must be quick, before it ends.
“I can’t believe this.” I managed to whisper. He's staring at me the same way I must be staring right back at him.
“Hello.”
“Whe-where have you been?” I have shortness of breath like I’ve got whiplash from a car crash.
“It’s complicated.”
“Well I’ll let you off then! No, tell me why I have made myself isolated because you disappeared off of the face of the earth!” I’m enraged as to why he’s been the missing father figure, why my life never pieces together.
      “All I know is that I am stuck in this alternate dimension for the rest of my days. I can watch everyone but no one can see me, apart from you. You are the only one that can sense my presence, not even your mother. That’s why you feel me here all the time. I feel like I’m dead, but I never died.”
“Right, I find that hard to believe.”
“Your mother was out, and I was finishing off the presents, one of the ornaments on the mantle piece fell to the floor. I went to investigate and touched a fragment, and I felt this jolt through my body. Like I was being torn in half. I had left my body...a-and I could see it, me collapsed on the floor...and the old me started to dissolve before my eyes, and left this version of myself trapped here, when your mother came back I tried to tell her in every way I could but she couldn’t see or hear me.”
I couldn't believe what he was telling me. It must be lies. There's no reasonable explanation for him disapearing.
“I don't believe you. You vanish for years, a decade! And come back with some lousy excuse.” As I was shouting at him, my vision was going blurry...no my dad was the one who was blurry...
"Dad? What's happening to you?" a sudden sadness has now filled me.
“I’m so sorry I'm running out of time, I love you.” And he was gone, but never forgotten.

Band of the week-Spector

I had heard this song before and instantly could belt out a few lyrics, and I were just chilling in my room...ok sort of having a snooze (I'm getting old, as I just got a year older) listening to Radio 1.
The DJ is talking to this band of guys called 'Spector' and they sound like genuine cool guys who you could go out for a drink with. That's when they introduced their song -I was oblivious to the title as I was off with the fairies...- anyway it's called Never Fade Away, (of which I have decided to re-name my blog!) the instant I heard the intro I jumped up to turn my radio up so I could fill my ears with the gorgeous music. I wouldn't class them as stereotypical pop, and I instantly love music that's a little different. They remind me of a younger Editors, who come under indie rock. Seriously, check it out, this is my new fave song, and my band to watch to see how they turn out!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rFCS2ah2xFg here's a link to the official video, just sit back and close your eyes and learn the basic lyrics.

ENJOY!

Diary of a Non-Dieter

Day 3


Guess what! I have had four completely sin free days, no chocolate and no cakes! I am so proud of myself as there's a packet of milk chocolate biccies AND two packets of jaffa cakes...and I have withstood eating the lot.
Today I did a wee bit of shopping (I had to buy a sketchbook for my photography summer h/w) so popped into town and had a gander around some clothes shops and was looking at make-up, I went into New Look and saw this dress I had been dreaming about! I would look at it nearly everyday on my laptop, and nearly went to tears when it said it was 'out of stock'. Boo. But there it was three in the size 'small'. I made the leap of trying on a small (as fortunately I seem to slip into smaller sizes yay!) and I were going to treat myself to this £20 dress if it fits and looks good. Here's the dress;

Now, it looks so pretty onscreen and on a hanger, however, what it doesn't show that it's basically see through. Yeah. I only noticed when I were trying it on and noticed my bright pink knickers glowing through. A big negative. Around the middle (under the breasts) it's elasticated so emphasises your hips. Now, I already have enough hip on display so I looked a bit like a hippo. In total I hate this dress on my figure. It looked absolutely fine on my top half, but a disaster down below.

But this dress wont terrify me to my very core to get rid of my womanliness, so I told the staff member 'it was NO good' and walked out with my head high. Here's my food intake;

Two of Sainsburys own wheatabix with milk

A packet of chopped up apples

Half a bread roll with tuna and mayo

Prawn stir fry with veggies and rice

As you can see quite healthy! My exercise today has been walking around town for about an hour and a half, whilst my shoes were eating away my heels. That was very pleasant.

Diary of a Non-Dieter

Day 2


Sorry it's been awhile, I have mentioned I'm not all too good at keeping diaries! I have been doing a lot more exercise as of late; I try to do at least 50 sit ups a day-to tone up my belly as I have a habit of snacking...and I have a leaflet round which consists of 678 (roughly) which takes me about five hours to do on a monday morning. This has been my third week, and for you 'Englanders' you know that our weather has been so up and down recently. Week 1-Boiling hot, Week 2-Pouring rain and Week 3-Scorching hot. I'm pretty sure I've sweated off the cakes and sweet treats there! Also over about three days I have gone around my town delivering 492 yellow pages, with the help of the boyf and my lovely mother and it has still been boiling so we all sweated a large amount! Do I hear you say why I am doing all this manual work? Well it's because I have tried getting a proper job and have failed miserably over this past year, so for this work I get a fair bit, but I'm not saying I'm giving up OH NO!

Three little bits of toast with olive spread and strawberry jam

A bag of chopped up apple

Prawn layered salad

Majority of a bottle of coke

Trout, salad spuds, broccoli, sweetcorn and white sauce 

Exercise Today=Walking for about fours hours

Gothic Narrative-English Literature Transitions

During my transitions last month, we were looking at the aspects of Gothic texts. My lecturer set us to do our own piece of Gothic, well he did say "poem" but also said "narrative" so I tried doing a poem...but it didn't turn out so good...I then turned to the narrative. I found I was a lot more successful with my creative juices flowing...Well I'll leave it up to you guys; here it is.

"I can’t believe I concocted the idea to get home at this hour. I should have just stayed. However, I wanted to escape the unbearable atmosphere created by secrets passing from ear to ear. Scandals. In this winter darkness it’s hard to tell where I am...Which way am I going? It can’t be too late already. Surely? Hmmm...As I walk down this turning pathway, I must’ve made a wrong turn by foot...As i don’t remember passing these moors earlier. I can hear the cooing of night owls, and the flapping of birds fighting, rustling from the surrounding trees. I think about heading back the way I’ve come, but I don’t want to, it feels like some unnatural force guiding me through the oncoming mist crawling across the landscape. When I look around at the trees, bare to the branches, I could see the moonlight reflecting off on watching birds, glaring at me through the black shadows. My heart started slowly pounding, faster and faster it went, my breathing becoming sharp and jagged. I can see my breath escaping from my breath, as the air is getting colder, a chill in the air making the hair on the back of my neck stand on end. I stop moving. I turn my head very carefully and slowly to look behind me. I could feel some one watching me, this time it’s not the birds. I can just tell that it’s not them, it’s a different feeling. It’s so dark I can’t barely make out the trees some metres behind me...I squint my eyes to try and make out human shapes. But I fail miserably as no one’s eyes would be able to pass the challenge. Suddenly I try to make my senses step up a notch, my ears are pricked ready to hear human movements, my eyes open wide to take in my surroundings, and this sixth sense we’re supposed to have to pick up strange feelings, as this is a strange place. Between the feeling of being followed and the eyes of the birds, I can’t help but feel like being rounded up, being seeked out. I quicken my pace, but to where? Where am I going to go? I definitely can’t go back for fear of running into my possible follower. I’ll just keep heading forward, maybe I’ll find a house and people...but how do I know, there could be everlasting landscape for miles. It’s worth a shot, I think. The only light that’s guiding me is the moonlight, I can barely see my feet beneath me, but I am putting my all into moving as fast as I could, in the hope of getting somewhere safe for the night. I can hear the high pitched wind howling through the trees and over the hilly moors and blowing my hair around my face. With the noisy wind it’s hard to pick out any other noises, it’s blocking my hearing and taking much more effort to move. The wind is pushing against me, like a hand moving me backwards, with my hair blowing about I can’t see where I’m going, I try to wrestle with the wind but I get pushed into something, a tree? It’s hard and it feels like it’s grabbing me...or is it branches pulling on my clothing? I can’t decide whether to keep moving or give up. I get pushed further and further back, I still can’t see, it’s too dark! But there should be the moon light...where is it? I’ve been knocked to the ground, by what? I reach my hands out to grab something or whatever pushed me over, I can’t feel anything in my reach or my closed fists. It’s so dark, it wasn’t this dark before. I try to use my feet but it’s like I can’t feel them anymore. I think. I think really hard to try and regain control of my limbs. I don’t know if it’s working. I suddenly feel really sleepy, drowsy even, I can feel myself slipping away...I hear a screaming, is it me? Am I screaming? I can’t tell anymore, I can’t feel anything, I can only think, only just about..."

Diary of a Non-Dieter

Day 1
As my usual self I have managed to pick up a cold, so my father brought up the fact that; two bits of toast and chips yesterday, wasn't going to give me energy and wasn't going to make me any better. Today I tried to switch it up a bit;

• a croissant 
• x2 banana's
• hot chocolate-whipped cream+flake
• 1 and a half pink donuts
• cheesy chips
• a portion of cucumber

So I sort of did a little better, don't you think? I treated myself to make me feel good, but also my inner system got 3 out of my 5 fruit and veg a day! That's a big improvement for me.

I decided to add this little segment to my blog to show that even though I care about my size (my tummy) I still eat like a normal person, I just aim to burn off the bad calories, I try to exercise a few times a week, but I know not to worry too much if i don't because I'm obviously NOT obese so it's ok.

Exercise Today=0kcal burned (just some walking not much) 

AS Coursework

This is a piece of coursework I have done in my first year of college. I was inspired before we were given the brief by the sight of an old lady being put into an ambulance via a gurney, I had never seen this before, and as I joined the on-lookers from my bus stop, I had a range of feelings and words flowing through my head, and I decided to write them down. And fortunately I could put these feelings to good use in my coursework. I hope you enjoy it, I absolutely love reading it and I'm the one who wrote it!

Monologue of a Paramedic

Set in an old style flat, obviously decorated by someone from the 50’s. A man in his late twenties is dressed in a green uniform with yellow lettering ‘PARAMEDIC’, he is sitting in a flowery armchair that matches the fading wallpaper. It’s night. A couple of dim lamps are lighting the room.

You never know who’s going to be next. What you’re going to see next. An old lady slips in her bath tub, children getting hold of knives…it gets out of control when a parent is absent. Emergency after emergency. People who never stand a chance-to idiotic people causing mischief and wasting our time. If someone would
sort them out then…

He rises from the aged sofa and kicks it in anger.

…Then others would suffer for a shorter amount of time. (Calm) My job is to help people who need it, not for time wasters with a bloody paper cut.


He sits back down in a sigh.

I mean, it’s just common sense isn’t it? I would have thought so, but maybe it’s because I am a paramedic. I have this view, because it’s my life. Yup, this is my life. This never ending chain of pain and misery. Me and the suffering and injured. Is this world really fair? No. I don’t think so. Not anymore.

He rubs his fingers into his temples. He realizes he has some blood on his hands; he uses a wipe to clean it off.

Well, I obviously had my doubts of course. I never thought of it as all luck and happiness, where the sun always shines and nothing bad happens. I know that bad things happen. That bad things happen to good innocent people everyday. I see it with my own eyes. (He clasps his hands together in his lap, leans forward on his knees) I saw it earlier today. You see, I live with my Ma. We’ve lived together for a while. I moved in to be able to look after her; I gave up all of my spare time, my life, to make sure that nothing, nothing would happen to her. (Sighs) My dad, he died seven years ago. After he died, I decided that I wanted to be able to prevent others from dying, from suffering. I felt guilty, and I didn’t want to. I wanted to be able to help my Ma in the future… (Trails off)

(He watches himself twiddling with his thumbs; he cocks his head to one side and squints.)

I take care of her when I am not taking care of others. And today I came home from my overnight shift. To find (his voice breaks) to find my Ma bent over the countertop in the kitchen. One hand clutching her heart in pain, the other like a claw dug in on the counter. Her mouth molded into a silent scream of pain. Agony. I felt the panic inside: What do I do? What can I do? I always know what to do? CPR? The Heimlich maneuver? Do I need an AED? Check her pupils? The colour of her tongue? Time went by in that slow motion way they do in action films. I hate to relive that moment. My moment of doubt. This is my Ma for Christ’s sake?! My own flesh and blood. I know what happens next. She’s only weak, not strong enough to survive a heart attack. Ha, It’s a common thing- a heart attack. But it changes from a person you’ve just met, to someone you care about, you love them. They’re your world. She’s my existence, without her…what do I have left to do? Having to dial an ambulance, to have help because I actually need it. Having to cover up my fear and panic. Having to carry her down the stairs. She’s staring into my eyes, I saw her hope. Hope, that I could fix her. Fix her? Is fixing her putting her in an ambulance? Feeling helpless as my instincts render me useless in this situation. There are on-lookers poking their noses in to see my Ma vulnerable. My Ma, a human being for God’s sake, not an animal. Wires strewn about, across her limp body. Is this trying to fix her? It’s stressful for her. In this process her heart attack developed over the stress of useless medical information. It confused her. Alienated her. All I could do was watch others attempt to take care of her. Because I couldn’t. This was the breaking point of my career. Of my life.

He breaks down into angry sobs then pushes against the furniture in a rampage. Lights out.